Creating My Own Zen: Help!

Motherhood is hard. Wait, LIFE is hard. But the best part is we’re all in it together. Come join me as we find our own zen in the middle of parenthood, marriage, extended family, volunteering and just generally enjoying our time here in Lake County.

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Creating my own Zen

In the words of the Beatles — “Help!”

Why can’t we ask for help? I am the worst at it. At my core I don’t believe I should ask for help unless I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. I started thinking about why that is. I always say YES when someone asks me to help them, probably because I think they wouldn’t be asking for help unless they’re on the verge of a mental breakdown.

But how did we get here?

I’m not exactly sure why I have an asking-for-help-aversion, but I find myself second-guessing my need for help.  As if it has to be justified or rank above a certain stress level before I give myself permission to ask. Maybe I don’t ask because I’m afraid they’ll say no. But so what if they do?  I am determined not to be one of “those working moms” who asks stay-at-home moms to drive her kids to and from places for her. I have a four-door Jetta and two kids, so I really can’t carpool more than one child. I know every favor doesn’t have to be repaid immediately, but I do seek to reciprocate so favors seems “fair.”

But help? Help doesn’t seem fair. Help is a lot less fair and a lot more like a gift.

I always make dinner for the people on the meal train when someone’s mom has died or someone has a broken foot. And I don’t mind, really I don’t; it’s the one time a month my family gets a home-cooked meal (because I just make twice as much).  Other than that, it’s turkey sandwiches, yogurt, takeout or God-forbid cereal or frozen pizza. #confession

I see my in-laws help my other sisters-in-law. I see my mom help my brother. And I don’t think any of them are on the verge of a mental breakdown. But somehow they can ask for help ….   This, however, only this adds to my guilt. Now I think … my mom and mother-in-law are already so busy helping them, I better not bother them with my simple problems.

And my friends. Well, dear God, they’re just as busy as me, if not more. They’re the heads of the PTO, they’re volunteering at church, they have a million children and the same stresses I do.

Maybe we should all just cut ourselves a break. Maybe we should start to view help more as a gift and less like a fair trade. I think we are our own worst critics; let’s make our lives easier and ask for help and accept the gift it is. Special note to myself to reread this paragraph over and over.

To that end, what makes your life easier? How can LLC help? Let us help you! Tell us in the comments: What’s the one thing you would love help with but never ask for?

Dance academy of Libertyville
About Cheryl 57 Articles
Cheryl is a hyper-tasking mom (because who has time to only multi-task?) who stops to take pictures (and smell the roses), loves to jog (slowly) and volunteers way too much.

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