We asked our readers what advice they would give a new parent bringing their young child to his/her very first public Easter Egg Hunt. You weren’t at all shy about your responses. A few of my personal favorites describing Easter Egg Hunts were:
These are public exhibitions of greed.
Don’t go! The parents are nasty!
Don’t expose young children to this horrible display of inhumanity.
I pondered your comments, slept on them, and came to this conclusion. The problem is not the Easter Egg Hunt. The problem is just that these poor parents were ill-prepared!
So we, as the leading source of family fun in Lake County, have the responsibility of helping to prepare our readers and their young children for the important and necessary rite of passage that is the Easter Egg Hunt. I’ve developed an easy 4-Step Process to make your child’s first Easter Egg Hunt a fruitful experience filled with lasting memories. Arm yourselves for some fun!
Easter Egg Hunt Survival Guide for Parents
Step #1 – Get the gear!
I’m sure you’ve selected some lovely ensemble for your child’s first Easter Egg Hunt. Perhaps a wide-brimmed hat trimmed in ribbon with a big frilly dress for your daughter or a smart sweater vest with a bow tie for your little boy? Nope, not gonna cut it. You need to dress for both protection and performance.
Plus, that cute little basket shaped like a baby chick may cut it for pictures for grandma, but an empty pillowcase it what is really required to maximize your take-home potential. Oh, you only want a few eggs? Obviously, you are not in the correct frame of mind for this occasion. Get your priorities straight!
Step #2 – Training!
It’s essential that your toddler is in peak physical condition for this
competition, contest, sporting event, community-based fun event for children. In the next few days, focus on not only speed and agility, but also grip strength which will be vital in snatching eggs from off the ground and from smaller children’s baskets. I highly recommend a good rock climbing regimen. If it works for American Ninja Warrior, it will work for your child too. Think of this as your own personal Mount Midoriyama.
I meant to say your kid’s personal Mount Midoriyama.
That’s right, it’s all about your kid (chuckle.)
It’s not about your unrequited dreams of acquisition that you have now foisted upon the shoulders of this innocent young child. No. It’s not about that at all. I think it might have something to do with Jesus or something.
If your toddler is a complete failure in any of these physical categories, you will just have to make up for their inadequacies by utilizing your own adult speed and strength. Oh, the organizers said adults couldn’t participate? Um… are they aware this is America? Winners make their own rules. Besides, that’s more of a suggestion and not a mandate…
Step #3- Cultivate a Winning Attitude!
Whoever gets the most eggs wins. Whoever gets the most eggs wins. Whoever gets the most eggs win.
This mantra needs to be on repeat in your home, car, bathtub, while shopping for groceries, wherever! Instill in your child the importance of this day, their first Easter Egg Hunt, and what it could mean for their future. This moment could set them up for a lifelong upward trajectory of success. Today, it might just be a pile of multi-colored plastic eggs from China, but tomorrow it could be a pile of stock options! No one is going to hand you an egg on a silver platter child; you need to fight for your eggs.
Step #4 – Players Gonna Play, Haters Gonna Hate…
Picture it – today’s the big day. You’ve followed all my advice to prepare your family for success. You’ve jumped the starting whistle (because you’ve remembered that’s merely a guideline) and are busy elbowing other parents out of the way who share the same winning attitude. Your kid is… I don’t know somewhere… probably picking his/her nose… perhaps with your spouse… but you don’t have time to worry about it because your neighbor across the street just took a yellow egg you clearly had your sights set on.
That’s when you notice them.
Those smug naysayers are shaking their head at you from the sidelines. That mom with two little girls in pinafores who are crying because they had the audacity to come unprepared. That grandpa with his grandson in a wheelchair who is giving you side-eye. Didn’t he realize they could have used that wheelchair to their advantage to mow down other parents? Wait… are they judging you? Just because they came unprepared?
My friend, this is when you must channel your inner Taylor Swift and just shake it off, shake it off. That’s why mental preparation is just as key as physical preparation. Unless you are ready, willing and able to shrug off the prison that is worrying about what others think of you, then you are not prepared for the Easter Egg Hunt.
There will always be people trying to bring you down. There will always be people expecting a handout and not willing to work for it. And they’re teaching their children this same reprehensible behavior.
It’s called courtesy.
Little Lake County truly believes that you can still enjoy a good time at a public Easter Egg Hunt. You want to find an Egg Hunt? We’ve got Easter Egg Hunts and more to boot!
We encourage you to get out and enjoy these events while modeling courteous behavior for your children as well as other adults. If you see behavior you don’t agree with, don’t add to the drama. Fight the urge to retaliate or respond in an aggressive manner. Instead keep smiling and remind yourself that the kids are watching. Keep an extra stash of eggs hidden in your car, and use it as a teachable moment to talk to your child.
Yes, of course this is satire – just laugh and keep scrolling.