If you’ve been looking for a high-quality individual with vintage flare, have we got a deal for you!
Our Mom-in-Chief, Melissa, is a finely-crafted human, capable of managing school book fairs in a single bound.
While her mini-van has logged a few miles chauffeuring four children across Lake County, she will perform just fine so long as you fuel her with only high-octane coffee (none of that instant stuff thank you very much.)
Within her brain is wide-ranging information about where to have fun with your children in Lake County along with the extensive knowledge of things like “plug-ins” or “SEO.” Don’t ask, I don’t know what those things are either.
Like a 1977 wine or pungent cheese, she only gets riper with age, so please be sure to watch the kids so she can shower regularly. With proper maintenance and frequent chocolate feedings, you will be rewarded with a stellar entrepreneur, social media maven, and influencer who is proud to connect local and national businesses with active-on-the-go parents just like her in Lake County.
Of course there really is no one just like her…
You would think a person with this much experience would go for at least $100 but you’d be wrong!
Not $80.
Not $50.
Not 40. Good gawd not 40. Don’t even mention 40!
No Melissa is simply $39.95 plus shipping and handling.
No need to rush though, we expect she will be 39.95 for at least another 8 years.
Happy Birthday Melissa xoxo
Disclosure: Melissa is not actually for sale. She is 39.95 years old today and we hope you will join us in wishing her a stupendous day. Send cake.
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